Yiddish Curses for Republican Jews

October 24, 2012 at 11:29 am 19 comments

  • May you sell everything and retire to Florida just as global warming makes it uninhabitable.
  • May you live to a hundred and twenty without Social Security or Medicare.
  • May you make a fortune, and lose it all in one of Sheldon Adelson’s casinos.
  • May you live to a ripe old age, and may the only people who come visit you be Mormon missionaries.
  • May your son be elected President, and may you have no idea what you did with his goddamn birth certificate.
  • May your grandchildren baptize you after you’re dead.
  • May your insurance company decide constipation is a pre-existing condition.
  • May you find yourself insisting to a roomful of skeptics that your great-grandmother was “legitimately” raped by Cossacks.
  • May you feast every day on chopped liver with onions, chicken soup with dumplings, baked carp with horseradish, braised meat with vegetable stew, latkes, and may every bite of it be contaminated with E. Coli, because the government gutted the E.P.A.
  • May you have a rare disease and need an operation that only one surgeon in the world, the winner of the Nobel Prize for Medicine, is able to perform. And may he be unable to perform it because he doesn’t take your insurance. And may that Nobel Laureate be your son.
  • May the state of Arizona expand their definition of “suspected illegal immigrants” to “anyone who doesn’t hunt.”
  • May you be reunited in the world to come with your ancestors, who were all socialist garment workers.

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19 Comments Add your own

  • 1. wonderboys  |  April 5, 2016 at 9:40 pm

    This is genius.

  • 2. Barbara Abramowitz  |  April 6, 2016 at 8:40 am

    Where are the translations and transliterations into actual Yiddish?

  • 3. Grant  |  April 6, 2016 at 12:18 pm

    May you catch antibiotic resistant gonorrhea after all post Darwinnian scientific developments have been outlawed.

  • 4. Alan lipkin  |  April 6, 2016 at 12:46 pm

    Laughed so hard the tears ran down my legs

  • 5. isabelle  |  April 7, 2016 at 5:06 am

    I just love it !!!!!

  • 6. Patricia Dumont  |  April 7, 2016 at 8:41 am

    Too funny, especially the last one. To return the favor, here is a new Latin phrase for you: “damnatio memoriae”, condemnation of memory. Practiced when the Romans wanted to erase the memory of someone deemed dishonorable so it was as if they never existed. Apparently, the renaming of buildings, etc that is going on now is nothing new.

  • 7. Ned Groth  |  April 7, 2016 at 10:14 am

    I love it! FYI, it would be the FDA (not the EPA) that would keep E. coli out of foods, but the barb is on target.

  • 8. Sheila Beers  |  April 7, 2016 at 10:38 pm

    How funny! This piece is a gem!!!

  • 9. Janine Belveal  |  April 8, 2016 at 9:34 am

    Love these. Wish I was of the Jewish faith.

  • 10. Barrrie Rosen  |  April 8, 2016 at 9:34 am

    You’re a mensch.

  • 11. lianslimb  |  April 8, 2016 at 4:45 pm

    Good ones!

  • 12. whistlinggirl2910  |  April 9, 2016 at 9:47 pm

    I hope everyone laughed as uproariously as I did.

  • 13. Lynda Fisher  |  August 18, 2016 at 2:32 pm

    Love them. The wonderful thing about Yiddish is that it gets the same thoughts telling people off without using one curse word.

  • 14. Batyachanna  |  August 19, 2016 at 2:04 pm

    This is just completely brilliant. Thank you!

  • 15. Stella McCrystal  |  August 22, 2016 at 9:04 am

    Marge this is brilliant. Haven’t stopped laughing.. Will share with the family

  • 16. Janet Bryant  |  August 22, 2016 at 2:53 pm

    May she roll over in her grave with a cigarette hanging out of her mouth and a large bourbon with crushed ice in her hand. I can just hear that throaty laugh of hers interlaced with a few choice curse words!

  • 17. Karen Wintman  |  August 23, 2016 at 2:47 am

    …with the help of God and a long handled spoon!

  • 18. joyceoxfeld1212  |  August 23, 2016 at 4:28 pm

    Reblogged this on joyceoxfeld1212 and commented:
    Loved everyone of these Yiddish curses. Especially the one about Health Insurance considering constipation a pre existing condition.

  • 19. Sylvia M Funk  |  August 23, 2016 at 6:58 pm

    Made my day!!!


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